Scary movies are not my cup of tea
I finally got to see the highly acclaimed made-in-singapore movie scarefest "The Maid" yesterday. I’ve never liked horror shows since I’m a huge wimp when it comes to the suspense and ghastly grossness. But heck since its been made in Singapore, surely it cant be that bad in terms of shock value (Meaning bad …We still have quite a long way before making any headway in the movie industry .. ie we suck… we are getting better though). So here I was prancing along with my 9 inch hotdog (no, its not a pun) and nachos in hand, expecting to be entertained and intrigued by this movie. I knew that it broke all box office records in Singapore and stuff like that. The media has been especially gracious in pouring accolade after accolade on the movie … so heck, what could hurt? Should be interesting and fun. … Yeah right … no sooner than 10 minutes into the movie that I almost crap in my jeans. And it didn’t let up for even a minute … I was like … GET ME OUT OF HERE! … Sacrefests normally start scaring in the night when ghostly apparitions start to gather and you know .. scare you … but crap, this movie even scares the shit out of me during the daytime spells. How the heck was I going to survive the next hour and half… ?Heck, how was I going to hold my pee for the next hour and half …?
I would love to splurge details on what spooked my ass off but I was too busy cringing, squirming and covering my eyes that I can only remember glimpses of what transpired.
This was going to be one shitty day.
As much as I wanted to leave, my wallet told me that I’d be wasting money and all that other stuff that your consicince tells you. So here I was, a 30 year old watching a movie with both hands carpeting his face, just allowing a little bitty hole of light to pass through so that my visual capacity was not totally disengaged. Felt kinda like a frigging peeping tom, to be honest.
My cinematic partner on the other hand, was having the time of her life … 2 for the price of one … a good movie about ghosts and a good movie about traumatised individuals. I swear that if something in red (that’s what the ghost’s prominent colour was) just whiffed past me, I’d go into cardiac arrest on the spot … heck, I’d puke and then go into a heart attack.
I’ve never been a big fan about singaporean made movies since they normally comprise of totally over the board sucky actors with shitty writing (Trust me on this … we’ve had loads of Z-grade films made … the worst was probably about that dumb superhero flick, V-man or something). But in this respect, they sure have made huge strides thus far.
I’ve pretty much watched most of the horror shows (All forced btw, I was tied and dragged screaming and arms flailing in to the cinemas .. well not really, but I do hate them) and I can safely say that "The Maid" was the scariest shite ever … it clearly gave me a good lesson in Yoga … all the gasping and panting from being shocked out of my wits gave my lungs a real big workout. Of course, as a disclaimer, I have to say that I am not a good reviewer in this sense since I normally don’t get to see the whole show … I can only have a fractious account of what the movie since oftentimes
a) My eyes are closed
b) My hands cover my eyes
c) I have big fat thingy covering my eyes\face
d) I go into withdrawal\denial and daydream happy thoughts
e) I get a six pack and proceed to get tipsy\drunk (Advisory: Frigging fun!)
Nonetheless, I thought this was a really good movie with a good script and wonderful twists. So like the rest of the PR campaign, I’d like put in my 2-cents worth …
GO WATCH IT!.
(And if you are scared … take Vodka)
